When Roger and I moved into our new place earlier this year, we were dismayed to discover that our Tivo had to go. As our apartment resides in a very old building with no phone jack in the living room, Tivo was no longer a viable option. We signed up for Comcast Cable's DVR, which we heard was capable of recording two programs at the same time (a wonderous feat even Tivo couldn't yet perform). We felt pangs when we installed our DVR, as it wasn't nearly as cute or user-friendly as our dear departed T, but we thought it might wind up being an adequate -- maybe even superior -- replacement.
Boy were we wrong. The Comcast DVR, or "Commy," as some call it, is one hot mess.
Commy, here are just a few of the reasons why we hate you:
You're dumb. Even when we program you to record a particular show, you often just forget to do it. It's not that the show isn't high enough in our queue of series recordings; at times it's the number one show. You're just dumb and you forget. So thanks for that.
You're slow. I admit I like to pause a lot during programs. I need to pee, or get some water, or harass the dog, or some such other normal human activity. You don't seem to like this. I'll push "pause" and you won't pause. I'll press "pause" again - still nothing. So then, out of mounting frustration, I randomly start mashing multiple buttons, hoping something will wake you from your stupor. Suddenly, you'll realize you've been sitting on your flat ass, not doing your damn job, and decide to comply with my requests all at once. Pause! Pause! Stop! Play! Exit! Last! Guide! Menu! Delete! DELETE! Mayhem ensues. You're whirring frantically. Aborted commands flash across the screen willy-nilly. Maybe you're contributing to global warming. The debacle usually ends with the deletion of some saved program I was really looking forward to. Fun!
You're a hypochondriac Twice last week you shut off in the middle of a show. No warning - just kaput. I think you were overheating as it was a really hot day, but Tivo survived many a scorcher last summer with nary a complaint. So I missed the last 5 minutes of two shows I was really into, and now I'll never know how they turned out. We actually had to put a mini-fan on top of you to keep you from overheating, which works, but is patently ridiculous. So yeah. Thanks, ComCrash.
You're high maintenance. Every time one of the above problems occurs, the good people at Comcast advise us to unplug and replug you so you can reset your delicate little self. We are advised to leave you alone for 30 seconds so you can unwind.("Walk away, take your shoes off, get a drink of water" was the advice of one perky service gal). Apparently you need to "unplug" and have some quiet time in order to function properly. Who do you think you are, Scarlett O'Hara? Get over yourself.
I hate you, Commy, but right now you're our only option. I think this is one of the most dysfunctional relationships I've ever had. Are you some sort of karmic retribution for our rampant technological consumerism, or just a really sucky, poorly designed product that was rushed to market way too quickly? I'm thinkin' both.
3 comments:
I can commiserate. I have a Commy bastard too, and "hot mess" is the perfect description. It's funny that I was *glad* when I was getting the new two-tuner DVR. The cable guy told me that the older model was crap, so I can only imagine what a steaming pile that one was.
Once or twice, mine has also forgotten to record something, but until now I thought I was imagining things. It has overheated too many times. I figured out the unplugging "trick" on my own, although that was more out of impatience and bad temper--the first time it happened I yanked the cord out of the wall in disgust. Of course, unplugging the thing still means you have to wait over an hour until the tv guide's program menu is rebuilt. I've also resorted to using a fan to keep the DVR from shutting down. Comcastic? More like Craptacular.
I'm glad to know I'm not alone! Actually I already knew that because last week, after numerous problems with Commy, I Googled this:
"Comast DVR sucks."
Many, many results were returned. It's amazing to me that such an utterly crappy product is in such widespread use. I guess there just aren't many options for those of us who, for whatever reasons, can't use Tivo but want a DVR recorder. The cable TV industry, much like the computer industry, is maddening in its lack of options. Yay monopolies!
Please write more, girl, you have such a way with words. When electronics get ME down, all I can really say is, "fucking goddamn son-of-a-bitch fuck-face piece of shit." And then I throw it across the room.
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